A 1980s racer bike city tour, a cat in a 'meadow' and why I hired an expert

A quick rant and then some things I learned this week.

For those of you who’ve been here from the beginning and watched my intro video you’ll know that part of the reason I moved my blog here was to try to find my way back to feeling excited and passionate about life and work again. I’m not sure why I thought this platform would help, but it seemed like a way to express all the parts of my self - my writing, styling, self-reflection and so on.

I’m still not sure this is the right platform (and I’ve seen some big names in writing and design also move here and then very quickly bow out). I’m already feeling a bit overwhelmed by the add ons Substack keeps launching - audio! video! chats! video in feed! Why do all platforms feel like they have to be the same? I worry it’s too much.

I also worry about the paywall (this post is free, but I am extremely grateful to those of you who continue to support me as a paid subscriber). I follow a number of excellent writers on here - people whose words and stories and insights I really want to read - but as more and more people join the platform, how is it possible to support them all as a paid subscriber? Very tricky. I’m sure Substack will eventually offer some sort of bundle subscription or pay per post option perhaps - because I do believe writers and creators deserve to be paid for their work - but for now it’s far from perfect.

Anyway. That’s not what I wanted to write about.

The last couple of weeks (and months) have been all over the place. A true rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve had days where I am buzzing with energy and ideas followed by days of deep depression. Apparently this is mid-life for women. Yay.

A few things I learned this week:

Introverted extrovert or extroverted introvert? Who knows, but I’ve changed.

As an introvert who often gets physically drained from too much socialising, it turns out I do sometimes get energized from being around other people. Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe it’s because it’s my first time living alone and I’m craving more time out of the house. Maybe I’ve been doing the wrong kind of socialising! I don’t know. I visited my cousin in Oxford last week and had dinner with some very intelligent, very well educated people and I found that stimulating conversation with people who ask questions and take what seemed to be a real interest in my life is highly energising. I know, shocking! Typically I’m the one asking questions. It’s my go to solution for avoiding awkward social interactions. I’m not great at regaling people with stories, so I get them to talk about themselves. I ask questions. But it’s so nice (and shockingly rare) when people reciprocate! I do genuinely enjoy hearing about people’s lives, particularly their jobs for some reason, so it isn’t an effort on my part to be the questioner/listener, but to be the receiver of questions and to feel heard is stimulating. I met other friends for drinks last weekend and when saying goodbye, one of them said to me “I always feel heard when I’m with you”. He truly made my day.

In Oxford I borrowed my cousin’s 14 year old daughter’s 80s racer bike and did a whirlwind tour of the city, as always taking note of the weird and wonderful

I rebranded my overgrown garden

I refuse to mow my lawn once a week as my friendly (retired) neighbour recommended, so I mowed a few paths in my very long grass, sprinkled some wild flower seeds and called it a meadow. The power of a name.

My girlfriends saved my life.

I don’t have that big girl gang group of friends we’re lead to believe is the norm. I also don’t have one best friend (my partners have always been my best friends which makes it brutal when they are no longer in your life). But I have a handful of very good friends dotted all over, one I’ve known for 40 years, another for 30, another 25, another 10 - you get the picture. I also have a few newer friends whom I adore. I’ve never been good at asking for help. Usually I’m the listener (see previous note above). But a few months back I reached out to both newer friends and older ones and said “I’m not ok” and damn did they step up. This weekend I saw a couple of these women and was reminded that it is possible to immediately fall into conversation about the worst things in our lives and then laugh hysterically about really stupid shit and that it is life affirming. Life can be lonely. All you need is one friend. What I’ve learned is to check in with mine. Most of us are not okay even if we seem to be. Going through a hard time has taught me to be more compassionate.

I’m still as creative as I used to be. Just a whole lot slower.

This has been a tough one to swallow and I truly hope it doesn’t continue. On Pinterest I keep getting (very well targeted, let’s be honest) ads for Martha Stewart’s Masterclass where she says things like “I started my company when I was 50 years old” (48 year old me loves this as I prepare to launch a new business) or “It’s kind of fun to see how much one can do in a day” (I don’t love this quite as much - see subheading about the slowness thing) or “I don’t really care if I sleep much” (I love sleep). She finishes with “When you’re through changing, you’re through”. That I can get on board with, particularly during this time of pretty intense personal growth. Now if I can just find a way to speed up the process…

Hire an expert

I’m an expert at what I do. I’ve put in the work over 15+ years and I can design and style you a photo shoot no problem. I can also write a book (with the help of an excellent editorial and design team of course). I can draw well enough to get my point across. I can source props. I can build a team. But for my latest venture - wallpapers - there are technical things I cannot do and I didn’t want to waste time learning (and likely struggling with). So I hired an expert. I wish I could hire this talented woman full time and I can’t wait for the day when I can once again have a team, but for now my expert helped me take my illustrations and - through some computer wizadry and many back and forths - transform them into wallpapers that will hang in people’s homes. Martha Stewart says you should surround yourself with people who know more than you. I think she’d approve.

Things I drew, coming soon to a wall near you. With the help of ‘an expert’

Humour always wins

One of my most successful (read: lots of people viewed it) Instagram Reels lately was this. Making fun of stylists like me who always go (too?) big with our flower arrangements. You know those videos of fabulous women wafting around New York lofts with impossibly high ceilings and plonking what is essentially a tree in a vase? Yeah, it’s silly. But damn it looks good! I’d been wanting to make this little video for ages so when I had to chop down some branches I took the opportunity. I love making people laugh, even if it’s only the emoji kind.

Why are we like this? Photo of me on a recent shoot, by photographer Jules Rogers (also one of those friends I mentioned)