Be the home that glows

“When I came around the corner, your house was glowing”.

Words spoken by my brother last week. I have two older brothers who both still live in the US (we are all English, but 3 of 4 siblings ended up in America. It’s a long story). The eldest of the two recently visited me in Margate from Los Angeles, where he has lived for many years. (If you’re looking for some curb appeal inspiration read this post I wrote about his lovely LA neighbourhood, where I also used to live).

Like me, he likes to (needs to) walk and/or run for his mental and physical health. One evening he went for a long walk to Margate town and back. He told me, upon his return, that most of the homes he’d passed were dull and a bit dreary and those with the curtains not tightly drawn, were lit harshly, exposing their cream walls and maybe one lonely picture hung next to an enormous television. He said that when he’d rounded the corner and my bungalow came into view, it stood out from the rest, glowing with warm light in the darkness.

Shout out to the many lamps and warm lightbulbs that populate my home.

It’s easy to criticise oneself for being bad at certain things. I have a long list of my own perceived incompetencies that rattles around my head when my self esteem is low. I try to count my blessings more frequently than my failures but being an overthinking, over-striving, rarely satisfied woman, this ends up being one more thing at which I fail.

But…I do know it’s important to celebrate those things we do well.

I’m not great at completing jobs at home and I’m not great at building or making things with precision, but I’m really good at making a home ‘homey’ in record time. This ability can be attributed in part to my job as a shoot stylist where speed and looking good to camera is more important than function or accuracy. If you knew how many beautiful shots of beds in ads or magazine editorials are actually mattresses on cardboard boxes or plastic crates, you’d be shocked.

Hearing my brother compliment the house really brought it home for me, excuse the pun. There are a few key elements - lighting, texture, layering - that help a space feel lived in even if you’ve just moved in and I’ve been experimenting with them for years in all my many home moves. It’s true that some people have a natural affinity for certain things, but I also think you can learn through doing. Both have been true for me.

As I sit here on my little mezzanine looking down at my living room, I see so much I want to change. The creamy linen curtains I made but still haven’t properly hemmed, the dark sofa that I wish was light, the radiator I wish I hadn’t positioned under the bay window, the too many pendant lights I never should have had wired in because why does anyone need six hanging bulbs plus one large paper moon pendant when all they actually use are lamps?

But I also see a place that feels like a home. I feel like I say this in almost every post - a home is never done - and if you’ve read my third book Life Unstyled, you will have read the chapter with the same name. Perhaps I repeat it so often as a comfort to myself. A reassurance that it’s all ok. I’m ok. The flaws and unfinished jobs in my home sometimes feel like a glaring reflection of my own flaws and failures. My home is a physical manifestation of me, right? Isn’t that what I always say? So why do I focus on the bad bits instead of acknowledging the good?

My daughter was visiting at the weekend and commented on the mirrors in my house. I have a lot dotted around because along with lighting, they are key to bouncing good light throughout a home, making it feel more expansive. A couple of my full length mirrors do appear to be quite favourable to the figure. They elongate and slim and somehow also seem to smooth the skin - they are essentially face and body tuning mirrors, like an Instagram filter made manifest at home.

Often I’ll go around to the different mirrors in the house when I’m getting ready, checking out how my derrière looks in my jeans (don’t pretend you don’t do this). And I never believe the favourable reflections. “That can’t be how I look” I think when I like the way my bum looks in a new pair of jeans. It’s only when I get to the one ‘bad’ reflection that I believe what I see. The four mirrors where I look the way I want? I just don’t believe them (and they aren’t all body tuning mirrors! Some are probably accurate). The one mirror that confirms the negative thoughts I’ve always had about my physical form? That’s the one I believe. Madness I know. Writing it here illuminates how unhealthy this is.

It’s the same with the house. Rather than seeing all the good bits and the progress I’ve made, I sometimes get bogged down in the bad, the unfinished. Comparing myself to other designers on Instagram doesn’t help, part of the reason I spend less time scrolling on there these days. It’s only when someone else - in this case my brother - points out the beauty of my home that I believe or remember that I’m good at what I do.

It would be untrue and annoyingly self deprecating to say I never believe I’m good at what I do. But I suppose what I’m saying is sometimes we need to redefine what good means. Being the house that people want to spend time in? That’s good! Being the house that gives off a warm and welcoming glow? That’s good! Creating a home that feels like a HOME, that’s good! Having a few unfinished projects? Meh, not such a big deal.

Being told I’ve got the glowy house on the block does feel good. When I was a student in the nineties at Boston University I use to cycle everywhere. Often I’d be cycling home late from the library or a cafe where I’d been studying and my favourite thing to do was get glimpses into the beautiful townhouses all lit up at night. The glowy ones. I haven’t decorated my house for anyone else, but I still get pleasure from the idea that someone might wander past my house and admire it.

I’m not sure if this essay is an ode to good lighting, good brothers, or good design. Or maybe it’s about self belief in hard times. But I do know that your home, my home, our homes can and should have that warm glow, not just for the neighbours or the late night walkers, but for us.

Trying to ignore the ‘mistakes’ and unfinished jobs I see below and focus on the fact that I’m sitting in a space that looked like the next image 2.5 years ago.

Currently sitting where that huge old water tank used to be

I love my brother, my daughter and my cat, but all I see is that broken handle and the proper ladder I still haven’t had made.

This has been a free post to give my many new subscribers a taste of what Life Unstyled is about. With so many writers and creators moving over to Substack it will become harder and harder for readers to choose which newsletters they are willing to pay for, if any. I’m grateful to each and every one of you, paid or free subscribers, but if you do fancy paying for what you read, it is of course greatly appreciated :)