Why are we all addicted to shopping?

And can we change?

My living room which is in need of proper storage on the back walls, a bigger table, and maybe a rug. Sofa, one chair and pine cabinet are IKEA, lamps are TKMaxx or secondhand, cabinet is secondhand and painted, oversized paper pendant is HAY.

For many, many years I’ve been repeating the following phrases when it comes to interiors:

Work with what you’ve got and creativity before consumption.

They’ve been chapter headings in my interiors books, captions and hashtags on my social media posts and long before that, they were topics for my many blog posts over the years, starting in 2009 when the original Life Unstyled blog and concept was first hatched. (This link doesn’t go to the original blog, but it’s the only one I’ve kept intact since moving to Substack).

Frankly I’m sick of writing about them. And recently I’ve been wondering if I got it all wrong anyway. People like buying stuff. Who am I to try to convince them otherwise? And it’s not like I live in an empty home. I shop as well.

Those of you who know my work already will realise that what I really mean when I talk about working with what you have and thinking creatively before you consume/buy is to shop more consciously. Buy second hand where possible, or if you can afford it, buy from independent makers. Or just shop less. And perhaps most importantly, hold onto what you have for longer or dispose of it responsibly - sell or give away rather than sending to landfill. Keep what already exists in circulation longer rather than buying more and more newly made (often poorly made) things. You know the drill.

Thankfully this is no longer a revelation to a lot of people. It is far more mainstream to think and live in this way, thanks to many people on social media and in the interiors industry talking about it and sharing what was once a niche view with the masses.

But I do think I’ve been a bit naïve.

Shopping is an activity. Shopping for some is a social event, something they do with a friend. Shopping can be fun. Shopping is rarely a necessity. It’s something many of us do for pleasure or if I’m being cynical (which I almost always am) to fill the gaping hole inside of our souls. That short lived but highly addictive rush from buying something is what keeps us going back for more. Because - no surprise here - shopping is also an addiction.

At no other time is this more apparent than in December and January. In December - and November as well, let’s be honest - the shops in the UK are crammed with frenzied shoppers filling trolleys with gifts and food in preparation for just a couple of days of celebration.

But what gets me every year is that on December 26th, the shops are filled once again with people hitting the sales or exchanging unwanted presents. And then, it’s the January sales and we’re all back to shop some more! It feels like a kind of insanity watching people as they go back again and again to the shops during this time. I used to joke with my kids that we should save all our Christmas present shopping for the days immediately following Christmas - they could get so many more things at half the price! Alas, this is not what we do and my bank balance suffers as a result, as I’m sure yours does too.

I enjoy a very specific kind of shopping and it usually doesn’t involve mainstream/high street. In fact, lately I haven’t really done much shopping of any kind, except for shoots and the food shop. I tend to get overwhelmed and depressed in high street shops these days, particularly if we’re talking about fashion, but also interiors - so much cheaply made stuff that doesn’t feel original and certainly doesn’t entice me to buy. Wandering around high end shops can be a lovely experience, although again, the feeling I often get is “what is all this crap and why is it so expensive?”

Partly it may be that I’m at an age where I've seen trends come and go over and over again, so nothing much excites me in fashion or interiors at present. And partly it’s that we all have too much anyway, myself included, and it feels like we just need to put the brakes on. I almost left Substack over Christmas because I was inundated with list after list of things to buy.

Having spent my childhood in my mum’s vintage clothing shop in London, and at Portobello Road market as well as jumble sales, the most fun I can have when shopping is to be rifling through piles of dusty old stuff in junk shops and charity shops (the messy ones please, not the overly curated ones that have been popping up in recent years). It is in my blood and my bones. It’s the thrill of discovering something you didn’t know you wanted - some small trinket to place on a shelf or an unusually shaped lampshade or a piece of fabric that will make a lovely cushion cover.

I wasn’t always like this so please don’t read this as me being all self-righteous. Tween me loved to spend my pocket money on ra-ra skirts and rubber bangles in Tammy Girl. Late teen me loved Topshop on Oxford Street and the Urban Outfitters on Newbury Street in Boston where I was at uni. Young mum me was often found strolling around Target in LA where I was living. And even now, I don’t shop exclusively in secondhand shops.

My dirty little secret is that I’m equally at home in one of those big box discount shops, from TK Maxx (TJ Maxx to my American readers) to The Range to Poundland/99 cent shop. The same thing applies as in vintage shops - amidst the shelves stacked with mass produced rubbish there might be a gem, perhaps a great picture frame that is identical to the one being sold down the road in the pricier high street shop, but for a fraction of the cost. Because as much as I don’t mind paying more for quality, I can’t stand being ripped off just because something is from a particular name brand.

Because of my job as a stylist and set designer I regularly find myself in those types of shops. Last week I styled an advertising campaign that required me to dress three very different sets - a large and very beautiful greenhouse by the river; an old school launderette at the Barbican; and one retro kitchen in London. Where else does one go for a shopping list that includes laundry baskets, gardening gloves and teapots other than these types of huge catchall stores? Charity shops are great as well, but for a guarantee of finding what you need on a varied shopping list, these big stores are the most efficient.

And that’s how a lot of people feel, particularly if you live outside of a large city without an abundance of shops. It’s also why Amazon is so successful. Convenience and affordability. So it’s all very well me harping on about shopping consciously but for many that’s not an option.

It’s not that I don’t like to ever shop new for my home either, because there are some really wonderful brands creating beautiful products responsibly, but usually they come with a heftier price tag. And since I am a human being and I’m sometimes on a limited budget myself, I also buy from places like IKEA out of necessity, affordability, and convenience. I was at an IKEA only yesterday, popping in briefly since I was in the area, for one specific thing I needed - a very good kitchen knife they sell for a steal.

For many years I styled shoots for IKEA’s now defunct magazine IKEA LIVE and have shopped in their stores all across Europe as well as the US. My sofa is from IKEA as well as quite a few smaller bits dotted around the house and I have a red velvet wing back chair I bought from IKEA in Burbank, California 25 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. I refuse to get rid of it even though it is too big and kind of falling apart and never really fits anywhere.

I’m not a snob when it comes to shopping in these places and I think that as long as we’re mixing it up with older pieces and a variety of styles to avoid a showroom look then it works and it is more than ok. But it is also these shops that make me hugely anxious about the future of our planet. Walk into any of those huge discount shops frequented by so many because it’s what works within their budget and you are assaulted with an obscene amount of tat, as we call it in the UK. Pointless, low quality bits of nothingness.

Regardless of the time of year, whether it’s Valentine’s, Easter, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Pets day, Summer BBQ season, Autumn, Halloween, Hanukkah, Christmas (what have I missed?) you fill find mountains of little bits of nonsense to buy, plastered with whatever slogan or theme suits the current season or trend.

That’s when I lose hope a bit. Here we are, many of us trying to do our part to protect the planet while these companies are pumping out more and more and more tat year on year - stuff we buy to feel good in the moment but is so meaningless that it ends up on the trash heap. Tik Tok trends, Temu, Amazon, none of this helps. It’s very easy to lose all hope.

All I can say is this: JUST SAY NO. Say no to buying the themed mug set that you only use at Halloween; say no to whatever new thing the Kardashians are flogging on Instagram - it probably won’t make you feel rich and powerful and beautiful; say no to the “Vintage Persian inspired rug” on Temu. It is neither vintage nor Persian and you will be disappointed by it’s poor quality.

Think before you shop is what I’m really saying. We live in a capitalist society, shopping contributes to the economy, shopping isn’t inherently bad (even I have something to sell - books, wallpapers, courses), but just think before you buy.

I was on a shoot last week and was chatting to the producers, both of whom had differing views on how they shop for their home. One, like me, enjoys the hunt and the satisfaction of trawling secondhand shops and fixing things up. The other said she wants to walk into Designer’s Guild and select from what they’ve already curated.

But I feel like there is this big middle ground where so many people’s budgets and lifestyles sit and that is where the most damage is being done in terms of wasteful mass consumerism. People who don’t have the inclination to spend weeks on Facebook Marketplace looking for a coffee table which they will then have to sand and paint. People who don’t have the funds to shop at well curated designer interiors shops for better made furniture and homewares. It’s the people in the middle who are being fed poorly made crap that is destroying the planet.

I don’t blame them, I blame the corporations for disregarding the environment for the sake of profit. But we do also have to take some responsibility in terms of our actions as consumers.

How do we tackle this and does it even make a difference?

I liken it to a conversation I had with my son about vegetarianism. Hear me out, there is a link. He’s now 22, but when my youngest was about five or six he decided to be vegetarian and has been ever since. I’m an on again-off again veggie, a reluctant meat eater who can’t quite quit completely even though I feel sick about the cruelty caused to animals for my benefit.

We spoke about how hard it is when you decide to do something or in this case, refrain from something - eating meat - because of your beliefs, but you know that many millions of others are still carrying on with it. It can feel pointless. Your not eating meat may be reducing the amount of animal suffering by a smidge, but animals are still suffering. You could say what’s the point, I’ll just enjoy my ham sandwich since everyone else is. Or you can stand by your belief in the hope that the movement grows and fewer people eat meat, which of course is what has happened, although it hasn’t gone far enough. Yet when I go to the supermarket and see aisles and aisles filled with meat, it feels like nothing’s changed.

This is how it feels when I think about consumerism in the way I’ve described in this essay. I’m over here (as are many of you) doing my little bit for conscious interiors, trying to make a difference and then I walk in those big shops and see all that tat and it feels futile.

And yet. We can’t give up. We have to keep trying. We have to be optimistic for a future where we care more about our planet than filling our homes and then landfills with more and more mass produced rubbish.

I don’t know if it makes a difference but I do know that we can’t do nothing. God knows the world feels dark right now and the temptation to do nothing and bury our heads in the sand is strong. But it is exactly at these times when we must stay present and involved, whether that means politically or in how we dress our homes.

Sometimes shopping consciously means not shopping at all. Or at least taking a little break. That’s what I’ll be doing for now.

I’d love to hear about your shopping habits. Have they changed in recent years? Do you think about any of these issues? No judgement here from me, but let’s have a conversation.