Falling (back) in love with your life & home
A lovely thing happened last weekend.
I realised that I was living the life I’d dreamed up a few years back and living in the house that had been part of that dream and that I was…happy. Phew! What a relief huh?
Yes, the sun was shining. Yes, the buds were blooming. And yes, I was buzzing from lots of nourishing socialising. And finally, yes, happiness can be fleeting. But after the last post where I probably gave the impression that things were really tough (and in some quite crucial ways they are), I’m also in a great place in all the ways that truly matter and I feel the need to talk about the rays of light in life right now.
To celebrate her birthday, one of my best friends from childhood came to Margate with some of her other good friends whom I had never met. We did all the stereotypical middle age women things - a cold dip in the sea and some time in the free community sauna on the beach being the most obvious, although surprisingly there wasn’t a Dryrobe between us. A glass of bubbly and present opening in my garden; a gorgeous lunch at one of our favourite local restaurants; a stroll round some galleries; an hour drinking and chatting in deckchairs by the sea; and finally a cup of tea back at my place before they hit the road.
I feel like I made some fabulous new friends and laughed my ass off with my amazing old friend. Women can be incredible at making instant connections and we proved that by delving right into chats about everything from sex to menopause to parenting challenges and more.
What I wasn’t expecting was the reaction to my home. I know it’s quite nice and a bit surprising when you walk into what looks like a little granny’s cottage on the outside and discover its high ceilings and concrete floors. But I spend quite a bit of time there so I’d probably become a bit numb to it. And it’s not grand or luxurious by any means. And it still needs so much more before it’s ‘finished’.
Because I had kids young (23 when I had my first), most people my age have children younger than mine. My friend’s friends were still in the thick of it, with teenagers still at home and for the most part, deep into decades long relationships. Apparently my life/home seemed quite spectacular to them. A whole house to myself! No-one to clean up after! An extra space in the mezzanine just for reading and meditating? What is this life?
I felt the need to state my disclaimer to them that this way of life is a novelty to me as well. I’ve very much been where they are now. In fact most of my adult life has been dedicated to caring for others. And this is my first time living alone.
But yeah. It’s pretty great. I can’t lie. In fact, once I figure out my new creative career pivot (see my last post if you missed it) I might be in the best place I’ve been in years.
The one thing that has contributed the most to my current feel good state is a renewed connection to others. I realised I’d been telling myself for a long time that I wasn’t a social person, that I was socially awkward, that I wasn’t great at making friends. I think I’d been comparing myself to my ex-partner who was the opposite of all those things, to the extreme.
Through no-ones’s fault but my own, I’d fallen into the comparison trap. Compared to an extremely confident and social person, I felt positively meek. It turns out I’m not and I never was. And over the last six months I’ve been going out of my way to reconnect with old friends and more distant family members and to form or develop further my newer friendships.
Where you put your attention really does grow and I’m thrilled to say that I am back to my former social self. The positive effects on the other parts of my life have been enormous. Being alone at home once again feels like a choice, not a failure. Last year’s feelings of being lonely in a crowd have greatly diminished, if not vanished entirely.
The same goes for my home and my career. The feeling I have right now is that, yes there is so much room for growth and development in both areas, but instead of feeling overwhelmed by the tasks ahead, I’m excited about the years in front of me and so, so grateful I get to have them. Talk to me in Winter and I may have a different story, but for now I’ll take these good feelings and I’m going to run with them.
Thanks as always for reading/listening. Make sure to hit that heart button below or leave a comment as it really does make a difference to the performance of Life Unstyled on here.
Lovely writing esp power of reconnection x
I am so glad you’re leaning towards your happy …♥️