I’m so sorry to hear that. When you’re in it it’s so hard to see that things will ever feel ok again. Nothing has changed for me to make me feel optimistic again. It just kind of happened in time. The same will happen for you I’m sure of it.
This is really beautiful, Emily. Thank you for sharing. I felt a similar burning optimism and energy when my mum died, alongside the profound grief. I think it was a joyful recognition that she/we had created so much love between us, which was bigger and brighter than the loss, even on my lowest days.
Well done Emily, it’s wonderful to be featured in AD but also I’m so glad you are feeling good after your fallow year :-) I too just experienced the most challenging year of my life. I came out of it feeling like a failure. But in the last few weeks things have changed. I think I was unknowingly planting seeds that have finally started to crack open and it feels good. I also listened to Minnie Driver’s podcast episode with Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol this week and was struck but the conversation. He lost his father and he was numb for a year. He talked about his new album the Forest is the Path and basically how it’s OK to be lost. We’re often so focused on the destination and not the journey. So it’s ok to be in the woods (forest). I felt lost and a failure but now realize I’ve grown more in the last year than any other.
Thanks for sharing your heartfelt and authentic writing Emily.
Thanks Gemma for your thoughtful comment. I'm sorry that you've also had a challenging year, but I'm pleased you're beginning to have the inklings of optimism. Someone I'm close to kept reminding me all last year that there is no growth without pain - something I wish wasn't true but I really think is - so it makes sense that your feeling lost has lead to noticeable growth. I'm not sure I can name my specific growth yet, but I know it's there. Wishing you a wonderful and abundant year. Thank you so much for reading x
I have said fallow a lot at my meetings with art friends. It's fine! You can't always be harvesting. Or at least I can't. Fallow also means dreaming about planting the seeds.
Yes it’s true. When it’s a forced one (although is there any other kind, I’m not sure?) it can be scary. It’s only on the other side that it makes any sense. For me at least.
Congratulations on the feature! I'm sorry about your mum. Especially that it was sudden.
I feel like the last 2-3 years have been fallow but I have kept clinging to the idea that at some point in the future I will look back and think "wasn't it nice to have had time?" and so I tried to lean into that. But I finally have - I think! - enough mojo to feel excited and optimistic that 2025 might see some fruit to follow this quiet period. I hope it's true for us both - I have every faith that it will be for you!
I know exactly what you mean about thinking of a future time when I’ll look back. For me it’s more about hoping I’ll look back and be able to find meaning in it. I worried a lot that one year would become two and then five and I’d still be stuck. And who knows, I’m not out of the woods by any means. But, like you, optimism has returned which counts for so much. Wishing you a truly wonderful 2025.
Emily I’m so glad you’re back writing again. Your honesty and rawness is unlike anything else out there. Your optimism and ambition is unparalleled during a difficult time.
I’m in awe with how you’ve managed your grief and can write this from your heart to your audience. I lost a parent recently and I didn’t bounce back so quickly. You are an inspiration.
I’m also very inspired by your commitment to writing and keeping in perspective. Though there’s a lot wrong with the world you do it to bring a little joy and to keep going. I started a Substack but I haven’t been able to keep it up. Your words have given me a boost. Thank you.
Thank you for what you do and what you share with us. It’s really appreciated xoxo
You’re very welcome. It doesn’t come across like you’re recovering from your grief quickly. It’s inspiring to see how you can take that pain and loss and turn it in to something positive instead of the opposite. Even though your mum was older it’s still a loss and it’s still painful and I think people can be a bit dismissive. Losing my parent was bit of a different circumstance but definitely finding my way. Reading about your enthusiasm and drive has been an inspiration. Thank you.
Thank you so much Katie. That is really really lovely to read. I hope it doesn’t seem like I’ve bounced back too quickly though - I think it’s more like, this is how I’m coping with grief. I think? I don’t know! I’m so sorry you also lost a parent. I’ve found that because my mum was older, the reaction from people is like it was inevitable. Not that people haven’t been sympathetic because they have but I think it seems ‘less bad’ when a parent is older and of course to lose a parent young would be horrific. But the pain is still so raw and hard to process isn’t it? Anyway, thank you for reading and commenting. Hoping you find ways to feel good this year despite your pain and loss.
Don't know how I found you, but I love this. I am sorry for your loss and everything else. Thank you for sharing this. Written beautifully and relatable.
Thank you. I’m so sorry about your mum. Like most things, when you hear about something your whole life that other people experience - in this case dealing with a loved one’s ashes - it just becomes an accepted thing. But going through it yourself suddenly makes it real.
Again, thanks for your honest and relatable writing! Good to see that you can feel the optimism returning and understand that you are dealing with grief the best way for you.
The joy of this platform right here - sincere & beautifully written words showing vulnerability followed by empathetic comment (beautiful quote from Amy). Grief I feel
is as individual as the person grieving and the person lost. You are finding your own way and that’s just fine.
Such open and relatable authenticity being shared (as always) from you Emily. Your words and your seed/gardening analogy reminded me of this much loved and leant on quote:
“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” Cynthia Occelli
This beautifully written post is one of the joys of this lovely platform right here. The words showing vulnerability and the empathetic comments. Grief I feel is as individual as the person grieving and the person lost. Whichever way you grieve is the right way for you and if you haven’t found your way yet I think you can trust that you will.
Thank you Tess. What a lovely comment to read. Grief feels very slippery to me right now. Is this grief? Am I doing it right? Shouldn’t I be less happy? Etc. So hard to grasp. Nice to hear how different it is for all.
It is. I realise I’ve commented twice now 🙄 thought I’d forgotten to post the first one… apologies - same sentiment. Doesn’t matter how you do it as long as you do.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I really needed this post! Last year was so brutal. “Hoping” to feel the hope again 🫶🏼
I’m so sorry to hear that. When you’re in it it’s so hard to see that things will ever feel ok again. Nothing has changed for me to make me feel optimistic again. It just kind of happened in time. The same will happen for you I’m sure of it.
Love your open & honest writing Emily, as a fellow stylist who to is feeling fallow/lost its an optimistic read.
Also very grateful for you being non-subscribe, I love this platform but sadly unrealistic to be able to subscribe to everyone I enjoy reading.🙏🏼
This is really beautiful, Emily. Thank you for sharing. I felt a similar burning optimism and energy when my mum died, alongside the profound grief. I think it was a joyful recognition that she/we had created so much love between us, which was bigger and brighter than the loss, even on my lowest days.
Thank you Andrea. That’s a really lovely way of thinking about it. All the best.
A fallow year is a very good idea. You have certainly had an extraordinarily hard year, so I'm glad you are feeling optimistic again!
Thank you so much Louise
Well done Emily, it’s wonderful to be featured in AD but also I’m so glad you are feeling good after your fallow year :-) I too just experienced the most challenging year of my life. I came out of it feeling like a failure. But in the last few weeks things have changed. I think I was unknowingly planting seeds that have finally started to crack open and it feels good. I also listened to Minnie Driver’s podcast episode with Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol this week and was struck but the conversation. He lost his father and he was numb for a year. He talked about his new album the Forest is the Path and basically how it’s OK to be lost. We’re often so focused on the destination and not the journey. So it’s ok to be in the woods (forest). I felt lost and a failure but now realize I’ve grown more in the last year than any other.
Thanks for sharing your heartfelt and authentic writing Emily.
Thanks Gemma for your thoughtful comment. I'm sorry that you've also had a challenging year, but I'm pleased you're beginning to have the inklings of optimism. Someone I'm close to kept reminding me all last year that there is no growth without pain - something I wish wasn't true but I really think is - so it makes sense that your feeling lost has lead to noticeable growth. I'm not sure I can name my specific growth yet, but I know it's there. Wishing you a wonderful and abundant year. Thank you so much for reading x
(I'll have to listen to that podcast!)
I have said fallow a lot at my meetings with art friends. It's fine! You can't always be harvesting. Or at least I can't. Fallow also means dreaming about planting the seeds.
Yes it’s true. When it’s a forced one (although is there any other kind, I’m not sure?) it can be scary. It’s only on the other side that it makes any sense. For me at least.
Congratulations on the feature! I'm sorry about your mum. Especially that it was sudden.
I feel like the last 2-3 years have been fallow but I have kept clinging to the idea that at some point in the future I will look back and think "wasn't it nice to have had time?" and so I tried to lean into that. But I finally have - I think! - enough mojo to feel excited and optimistic that 2025 might see some fruit to follow this quiet period. I hope it's true for us both - I have every faith that it will be for you!
I know exactly what you mean about thinking of a future time when I’ll look back. For me it’s more about hoping I’ll look back and be able to find meaning in it. I worried a lot that one year would become two and then five and I’d still be stuck. And who knows, I’m not out of the woods by any means. But, like you, optimism has returned which counts for so much. Wishing you a truly wonderful 2025.
Emily I’m so glad you’re back writing again. Your honesty and rawness is unlike anything else out there. Your optimism and ambition is unparalleled during a difficult time.
I’m in awe with how you’ve managed your grief and can write this from your heart to your audience. I lost a parent recently and I didn’t bounce back so quickly. You are an inspiration.
I’m also very inspired by your commitment to writing and keeping in perspective. Though there’s a lot wrong with the world you do it to bring a little joy and to keep going. I started a Substack but I haven’t been able to keep it up. Your words have given me a boost. Thank you.
Thank you for what you do and what you share with us. It’s really appreciated xoxo
You’re very welcome. It doesn’t come across like you’re recovering from your grief quickly. It’s inspiring to see how you can take that pain and loss and turn it in to something positive instead of the opposite. Even though your mum was older it’s still a loss and it’s still painful and I think people can be a bit dismissive. Losing my parent was bit of a different circumstance but definitely finding my way. Reading about your enthusiasm and drive has been an inspiration. Thank you.
Thank you so much Katie.
Thank you so much Katie. That is really really lovely to read. I hope it doesn’t seem like I’ve bounced back too quickly though - I think it’s more like, this is how I’m coping with grief. I think? I don’t know! I’m so sorry you also lost a parent. I’ve found that because my mum was older, the reaction from people is like it was inevitable. Not that people haven’t been sympathetic because they have but I think it seems ‘less bad’ when a parent is older and of course to lose a parent young would be horrific. But the pain is still so raw and hard to process isn’t it? Anyway, thank you for reading and commenting. Hoping you find ways to feel good this year despite your pain and loss.
Don't know how I found you, but I love this. I am sorry for your loss and everything else. Thank you for sharing this. Written beautifully and relatable.
Thank you Anna! I’m glad you found me 😊
A great read. I’m feeling the same about my mums ashes. Glad someone out there is feeling the same way as me. Thanks for sharing x
Thank you. I’m so sorry about your mum. Like most things, when you hear about something your whole life that other people experience - in this case dealing with a loved one’s ashes - it just becomes an accepted thing. But going through it yourself suddenly makes it real.
Again, thanks for your honest and relatable writing! Good to see that you can feel the optimism returning and understand that you are dealing with grief the best way for you.
Be good to yourself. You deserve it
Thank you Nancy x
The joy of this platform right here - sincere & beautifully written words showing vulnerability followed by empathetic comment (beautiful quote from Amy). Grief I feel
is as individual as the person grieving and the person lost. You are finding your own way and that’s just fine.
Such open and relatable authenticity being shared (as always) from you Emily. Your words and your seed/gardening analogy reminded me of this much loved and leant on quote:
“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” Cynthia Occelli
This beautifully written post is one of the joys of this lovely platform right here. The words showing vulnerability and the empathetic comments. Grief I feel is as individual as the person grieving and the person lost. Whichever way you grieve is the right way for you and if you haven’t found your way yet I think you can trust that you will.
Thank you Tess. What a lovely comment to read. Grief feels very slippery to me right now. Is this grief? Am I doing it right? Shouldn’t I be less happy? Etc. So hard to grasp. Nice to hear how different it is for all.
It is. I realise I’ve commented twice now 🙄 thought I’d forgotten to post the first one… apologies - same sentiment. Doesn’t matter how you do it as long as you do.
And I appreciated both comments 😊
That quote is breathtaking! Thank you so much for sharing and for commenting Amy.
Beautiful quote thank you for sharing