The many versions of ourselves
Trying to reconcile the professional and personal sides of our public lives
One of my favourite song lyrics in recent years is from Wildfire by Laura Marling:
“Wouldn’t you die to know how you’re seen? Are you getting away with who you’re trying to be?”
I like to think that I’ve taught my kids to always be themselves, to never try to fit in or be anything other than the most authentic version of themselves regardless of what people think. And yet…
When I first heard that song a few years back it resonated deeply. Or maybe I just enjoyed hearing it spoken (sung) so honestly. It was one of those “ok, other people think about that too!” moments of relief and also fascination. Because I do wonder what people think of me. I do wonder if my self-image is the same as what others see in me.
I’m not saying I spend a lot of time worrying about this, nor do I wish to change myself to fit another’s desires or opinions of me. It’s more of a curiosity.
Since I’ve started writing again on Substack, this curiosity has risen its head again. If you’ve watched my introduction video (here), you’ll see that I re-launched my blog on this platform as an outlet for all the different aspects of my self - writer, stylist, set designer, thinker, artist, mother, human being with flaws and quirks - at a time in my life where I was wondering what’s next? But at the same time as writing here I also run a successful set design studio where I deal with multi-million (billion in some cases) pound companies.
The person designing photo shoots that might be seen by millions of eyeballs, leading a team, and running all the aspects of a thriving business is the same person who sometimes worries what people think of me, who feels vulnerable and insecure at times, who worries if my creativity will dry up and then what will I do? So Laura Marling’s words made me wonder “Which version is the world seeing?” Of course, I hope all facets of my self are represented in my outward expression (ok maybe not all facets. I can be mean) because I’ve always wanted to be authentic. But I’ll never really know.
Being authentically yourself is a vulnerable place to be. You can be misunderstood or seen as weak or unprofessional or ungrateful if you let the mask of happiness and gratitude and positivity drop. Or worst of all, you can be NOT LIKED. I’m working really hard on that last one and I hope that by the time I turn 50 in a few short years I will genuinely not give a shit if I’m liked or not. But for now, I still care a teeny bit.
I know other female business owners who keep their social media and public persona strictly business and the image they project is of success - yes, absolutely - but it can sometimes feel detached and impersonal. And frankly, a bit boring. I suppose it depends what your business is and if you’re the face of it. For me, for now, I am still the face of the business. And while I plan to continue to grow my business in the coming years I don’t like the idea of ever becoming a faceless brand, devoid of personality. But I think it’s a really fine line to walk between being authentic and sharing the more vulnerable parts of yourself and becoming an over-sharer with no boundaries.
As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve pulled back a bit lately from sharing too much on social media - if you’ve followed me for years you’ll know I used to share a lot! I think much of this retreating can be attributed to me figuring out how to handle the split I feel between the professional, business me and the me that likes to post photos of my cat and kids and renovation. But also wants to have a private life. Can the person who confidently presents to huge brands ideas that will go on their websites and help them sell their products be the same person who gets anxious when she has to be in social situations? Can the person who designs and styles rooms that will be photographed and displayed on huge walls in nationally recognised stores be the same person who sometimes cries when she has to have a difficult conversation with a builder? Yes, she can. It’s me :)
If I’m honest, I’d much rather be seen only as the first version - confident, successful, doesn’t take shit. But I feel some kind of duty to also show the other side. It’s why I started Life Unstyled all those years ago. To show the real life behind the perfectly styled image. But the world has caught up and now that’s standard practice. Now brands ask me to design shoots “as if someone has just left the room”. Something I’ve been championing for years.
And that is great news. If interiors brands - or any brand using photography featuring a home - would stop photoshopping out light switches and plug sockets, and putting fake views into windows to replace the normal street view with parking signs and cars and lampposts, then our real world, our real lives - all aspects of them - would feel worthy of sharing.
Deep down I think the same goes for our personal image. Showing the world who we really are, warts and all, benefits us and it benefits others. If we only show the air brushed version of our lives, removing the metaphorical light switches and plug sockets - then it just makes other people feel bad about their own unsightly light switches (really should’ve thought through this metaphor), and being ashamed to share thoughts, feelings, insecurities (light switches) that so many of us have in common is a deeply unhealthy way to live.
I feel like I’ve written about this ad nauseam in this and previous posts and I’m grateful to you for sticking around while I work through some complicated feelings. I do plan on writing and sharing interiors related content as well, so please stick around!
Very soon I’m hoping to be able to share more of our bathroom renovation and hopefully a little bit about what I learned, what I did right and what I could’ve planned better. It has dragged on for longer than we hoped - no surprise there right? But we are finally nearing the end so stay tuned.